Parental Involvement

The enduring success of OnCourse SOAR requires the ongoing support and encouragement of the young adults’ parents in all aspects of the program. Both parents and young adults must be committed to establishing or sustaining an authentic, even synergistic, relationship with one another—as healthy, loving, supportive adults.

Both the participants and their parents will have varying perceptions of the authenticity of the parent-to-young-adult relationship. All parental-to-young-adult relationships will fall somewhere along the spectrum below:

Some of the most common inter-generational
(parent/child) issues are:

• Counsel or love from parents is perceived as shallow, self-serving, or conditional, and is discounted or rejected by the young adult.
• Inter-generational relationships are rife with drama. Neither generation knows how to have direct or difficult conversations, navigate conflict, or manage emotion when it arises—either in themselves or the other generation. Judgment and projection stunt or cripple authenticity.
• Either or both generations are stuck in complaining or blaming mode, likely stemming from lingering baggage, conflicts, wounds, drama, or incidents. Neither generation takes appropriate and mature responsibility for the strain in the relationship.
• Both generations struggle to articulate wants, make clean agreements, or offer heartfelt appreciation.
• Inter-generational wounds, roles, identities, betrayals, and expectations have never been addressed properly and, as a result, have never healed.

Parent-Specific Issues and Needs:

• How to best encourage and empower young adult children to realize their own destiny
• How to be welcoming and nurturing without enabling or rescuing
• Having a sense of acceptance and peace, regardless of “my child’s choices”—whatever happens
• A “Drama-Free” family defined by authentic interactions, mutual respect, prudence, compassion, support, stewardship, learning, and self-responsibility
• A collaborative, authentic, loving family dynamic, with adaptable “rules of engagement” between—and within—the generations
• The repair of strained or broken relationships with young adult children. The strain may stem from:
  • Never really learning how to be a parent
  • Years of vocational commitment (e.g., life revolved around the parents’ vocations), which led to absentee parenting or parental enabling. As a result, the children never had to—or were allowed to—grow up
  • A lack of awareness or understanding of parental blind spots and how they impede children’s growth
• Release of regret or guilt over not having done all that I could as a parent to connect with my children authentically and support them as they find their way
• A rite-of-passage for releasing the prior parent-adolescent relationship, and then embracing the new adult-to-adult relationship
• {In family businesses} Preparing the young adult for possible roles within the family enterprise; how to offer an opportunity to join the family enterprise, without imposing an obligation to join the enterprise.

Parental Offerings

• Online support forums
• Parent-only teaching sessions
• Quarterly 1-on-1 update calls
• Anytime support or guidance on specific family dynamic situations
• Participation in the final Rite of Passage retreat